He Isn't Dead
by Sale and Evans INC
Summary: Tom's view on Alex's leaving a few years after the event
1. Years Later

**Disclaimer: Do I really need this...?**

**Author's Note: Okay, so this is just a really random idea I had because you never seem to find out what Tom thinks of Alex's situation after Jack's death. I may continue this, depends whether people like it or not. Oh yeah I'm a bit funny on ages and timescales so just go with it!**

Tom found himself thinking about the last time he had seen Alex, and the broken look that had been haunting his eyes. It was only when he was thinking about career choices that Tom realised that this expression had already made his decision for him, and he realised he would join the Armed Forces, fighting against the sort of people who had destroyed his best friend.

"You alright?" One of his team members asked him, as they sat in their barrack at the training ground. As he was the youngest in the team, they all looked on him as a sort of younger brother, but at the same time, respected him for the determination that had got him where he was today.

"Yeah," he replied. "Just remembering a friend." He looked away, as Alex's face swam back into his memory, and felt his comrade touch his shoulder.

"You want to talk about it?" Tom looks up, and realised the rest of his team had joined them, all looking concerned. He suddenly felt the need to tell them, if only to let them know how much they owed to Alex. It was the least he could do after all Alex had done for him. He took a deep breath.

"A few years ago MI6 employed a fourteen year old to help them with some intelligence work in places it would be too dangerous to send an adult agent…" He went on to tell them all that Alex had done, all that he had sacrificed and suffered, and what it had done to him. When he had finished, he said:

"That boy's name was Alex Rider, and he was my best friend. I haven't seen him for six years, not since he moved to America after Jack's death. I've heard from him a few times, but, I think he's trying to distance himself from the world, because if he isn't attached to it, it can't hurt him. He's the reason I joined the Armed Forces, to get back at the type of people who damaged him so much. It was the look in his eyes that made my decision for me.

"We all think we've seen a lot, and, maybe we have, but we were prepared, and ready for it. But imagine seeing this… world weariness in the eyes of a fifteen year old. He had lost everything in the worst way imaginable, and had his childhood torn from him by people who didn't care. I still remember how broken he looked, how destroyed. I still hear the last thing he said to me: 'Don't pity me Tom, pity them. I'll heal, I'm not dead.' And I remember looking at him as he walked away and wondering if, maybe, it would be better for him if he had died, because then he would have escaped the hell that this life has put him through. Imagine being able to think that about your fifteen year old best friend: that they might be better off dead, because you don't know how they'll handle living. I've been thinking this for the last six years, and every day I wake up expecting to hear the news that he's gone." He trailed off, and his unit looked at him silently. Then:

"Cub," said Snake, the man who had asked him if he wanted to talk. The rest of K-Unit looked angry, then ashamed as they realised that they had played a part in Alex's unhappiness. They sat in silence for a minute as Tom nodded, confirming Alex's identity.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Two days later, a letter came addressed to Tom Harris, informing him that a body matching the description of Alex Rider had been discovered in what was suspected to be a suicide case. He read it out to his team mates:

_Dear Mr Harris,_

_It is with great regret that we write to inform you that a body matching the description of Alex Rider was discovered a week ago, after what we suspect to be suicide. While there has yet to be an official identification, we felt that you should be informed. Should our identification determine that it is not Mr Rider, please be assured that we will contact you as soon as possible. However, as Mr Rider has not been seen recently, we must request that you do not allow your hopes to get the better of you._

_We are sincerely sorry for your loss_

_Kind Regards_

The signature following this was undecipherable so Tom didn't bother trying to read it out. He looked at his unit and smiled grimly.

"Hopefully he's at peace now." He said, and crushed the letter in his hand. Then he turned around and stormed out, just allowing his feelings to overcome him for a while, as he did not believe for one moment that Alex was dead and wanted to know who was screwing with his best friend's life now.

K-Unit watched him go in silence. They did not follow him. They knew there was nothing they could say.


	2. The Letters

**Authors Note: Okay, so some of this might be a bit hard to swallow, but I'm nothing if not extreme.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Alex Rider. Probably never will either.**

Tom knew something was up the moment Gull told him to report to the Sergeant's office that morning. It was a week after he had received the news about Alex and despite having attended the funeral, he still did not believe that Alex was dead. Before everything had gone wrong they had been brothers in all but blood, and Tom knew that he would somehow, feel, it if Alex had died. However cheesy that sounded.

He reached the Sergeant's office and knocked on the door, feeling slightly nervous. He couldn't think of anything he'd done recently that deserved punishment (unless you counted the incident involving the assault course, paintball guns and Eagle) so he didn't think he was in trouble. Not on his own anyway. All the same, being called into the Sergeant's office for any reason usually had results that the soldier on the receiving end could have done without.

"Enter" came the gruff voice of the Sergeant. Tom swallowed, then walked through the door.

"Ah, Kestrel. I received a letter addressed to you today. From the higher ups at MI6" said the Sergeant with a grimace. "You'd better open it quickly, though I can't think what they want with you. The only person they ever recruited from here, under the age of twenty-one was Fox, one of your predecessors in K-Unit, and he was a special case. Besides, you don't seem the spook type so… Are you alright soldier?" The Sergeant broke off, seeing the look on Tom's face.

"MI6 destroyed my best friend's life sir. With all due respect sir, you'll understand why I feel less than friendly towards them." Tom's voice was taut with supressed anger. "I have no idea why they are contacting me, or why they think I have any interest in what they have to say. Sir" he added, almost forgetting. Fortunately, the Sergeant didn't seem in the mood to care. He was looking at Tom with a gleam of empathy in his eyes. He knew that Tom was referring to Cub, and, having heard the full story, understood completely, Tom's enmity towards MI6. He nodded quickly.

"Well then. Seeing as neither of us knows what the damned people want, I suggest you open that letter."

Tom walked back to the cabin he shared with his unit in a sort of daze. The letter had, in fact, been two letters. The first was from Mrs Jones and read:

_Dear Mr Harris,_

_I understand that you were the best friend of the late Alex Rider and that you were aware of his secret. I am writing to you today for several reasons, first among which is to thank you for keeping this secret, although I am well aware that you did not do this for us, and that you will not want my thanks._

_My second reason for writing is to apologise. I am fully aware that what happened to Alex is entirely our fault. Had we just let him be, none of this would have happened. Again, I understand that you probably don't want to hear this, but I must apologise to someone, and you are the only person left to whom what happened really matters. I hope that one day you will be able to derive some, if not comfort, then satisfaction from the fact that we acknowledge our guilt, and also from the fact that all of us are aware that if it wasn't for Alex, the world would not be the same as it is today, and many of us would be dead. You should know that to the government, and all those concerned with the Secret Services, Alex Rider is known as a hero, which is no less than he deserves._

_You should be aware that Alex has left practically everything he owned to you. Apart from a couple of memorial items to people who helped him on missions, he has left everything else to you. I also think you should be informed that Alex had fallen out with the Pleasure family, as they expected him to go back to normal, something he could never do. I am telling you this so that you do not feel obliged to give anything Alex left you to any of that family._

_Now, a promise. Unless we have genuinely no other option, I shall never involve you, or, by extension, you unit, in any of our operations. It would not be fair, I think to ask for your help, considering the harm we have caused you. I must however, request that you come to the bank at some point next week, to be made fully aware or the contents of Alex's will._

_I wish you well in your military career, and will now leave you alone, unless in a case of dire emergency._

_Yours sincerely_

_Tulip Jones, Head of MI6_

Tom was somewhat shocked by the letter. He didn't think that Alex would have left him anything, and certainly hadn't expected an apology. The Sergeant had been equally surprised, and inwardly, quite satisfied by the letter.

The second letter had been somewhat shorter, and this one, Tom had not shared with the Sergeant.

_Tom_

_I worked, in a small way, with Alex on a mission once, and promise you that I am a friend. When you come in next week, I must speak with you. Until then __DON'T __believe everything you hear. Something's wrong here, I can feel it. I'm sure we are missing something vital. No-one will listen though._

_Ben Daniels (aka Fox)_

Tom was worried about what this letter entailed. If he interpreted it correctly, then Alex was alive somewhere, possibly in danger. He wanted to check with his unit, see whether they thought Ben could be right. Until they sorted that out, he could do nothing.


	3. Questions Without Answers

**AN: I'm Sorry! I know I'm useless, life just has a nasty habit of getting in the way, and I always have been easily distracted! Anyone still reading this gets cyber cookies and a hug should they like one. Hot chocolate is always a viable alternative to the latter.**

**Disclaimer: I doubt Anthony Horowitz is this hopeless...**

"So, what do you suggest?" Tom said to K-Unit after they had read Ben's letter. And ripped Mrs Jones' into tiny pieces. It wasn't that Tom didn't appreciate the sentiment; he did. He just wasn't going to admit it anytime soon, and anyway, ripping up the letter was really quite satisfying. It made him feel that he was getting back, in some small way, at MI6.

"I think you should go. But… not on your own." Snake replied thoughtfully. "Maybe one of us should come with you?" He looked around at his comrades and they nodded their agreement. "That way, well, you can be sure that it is Fox you're talking to. We know him so we could tell you if it's not really…" He trailed off, looking scared.

"What is it?" Wolf asked, alarmed by the look on his friends face.

"I was almost babbling like Eagle. I actually sounded like Eagle. That's bad. It means he's rubbing off on us!" Wolf and Tom took on similar expressions of horror.

"HEY! I am not that bad." Said Eagle, mock annoyed. He knew the others were only joking. "I also think that Snake is right, though it pains me to say so. He should go with you."

"Why me, exactly?" Snake asked, looking bemused at this. Wolf tried to interrupt, but Eagle didn't give him the chance.

"It's obvious isn't it? You're the most subtle out of the group, and best friends with Fox. It gives you an excuse to see him again. You haven't met up in a while. Oh don't look so shocked. Despite whatever you lot seem to think I do come up with sensible suggestions on occasion. Rarely, it has to be admitted, but it has been known to happen." The others gaped at each other. They were often surprised by Eagle, but really, he had to have some brains in there somewhere. He was a soldier after all.

"He has a point actually," Wolf added, nodding to himself. "But if you ever tell anyone I said that, I will deny it unconditionally." Despite his stern appearance, the leader actually had the best sense of humour out of the entire group. Dry humour admittedly, but his ability to say the most outrageous things with a completely straight face could keep the others entertained for hours.

"You may deny it, but I will still know that it is true!" Eagle said with a slight smirk.

It had surprised Tom really, when he first joined the unit, to see how well he really fitted in with the group. Despite the fact that all three of them were at least six years older than him he had quickly found his place within the group, and had soon grown to realise that the horror stories Alex had told him of them were more a matter of perspective than anything else. Yes, they had treated him badly, but he was a kid in an adult's world and they had just wanted to get him out of there- the SAS was no playground. He knew no-one he trusted more than his unit. Except Alex. Who wasn't there anymore.

"Alright, I'll go. Snake, can you get in touch with Fox and arrange for us to meet? And how do I go about getting leave from the Sergeant? I mean, he's hardly going to say that I can't go, but I know I have to have permission to leave the base. And how do I contact MI6?" Realising he was at risk of turning into a question mark, Tom shut up and waited for his unit to answer.

"I'll take you to the Sergeant; I can contact Fox at the same time. The Sergeant will arrange things with the higher ups when he gives you permission to go. Come on Kes," Snake hurried Tom over to the Sergeant's office, leaving Wolf and Eagle to set up a game of poker for the four of them on their return.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xx

Tom was scared. There was no point in trying to deny it; he was terrified that when he got to the Royal and General he was going to be faced with irrevocable proof that his best friend was dead. He didn't believe it, but he worried that this conviction was rooted in a stubborn refusal to accept the truth rather than in actual intuition. The rest of K-Unit seemed to have an idea of what he was feeling but they didn't pry. They knew that he'd talk to them if he needed to.

Walking up the steps to the "bank" was one of the hardest things he had ever done. He had agreed to meet Snake in a nearby café when he was finished, and Fox would join them at around four.

"Thomas Harris, ID number 158304, here to see Mrs Jones" He told the receptionist on duty. He looked at Tom for a moment before dialling a number and sending Tom through a door just behind the desk, with instructions to take the first left then use the lift to take him to the top floor of the building. Smiling his thanks, Tom made his way up to the office, trying to make up his mind how he felt about meeting the Head of MI6 for the first time. On the one hand, she had given Alex his life back. On the other, she hadn't stopped it from being taken from him in the first place. He knocked on the door.

"Come in" came the immediate response and Tom quickly did as he was told, standing to attention just inside the doorway. "At ease soldier. You must be Thomas Harris." Since this seemed to be more of a statement than a question Tom didn't think it merited a response and was silent. The smell of peppermints- he had never liked the bloody things- was already getting to him, and this was not helping his mood. His stomach felt full of butterflies as he waited to see what Mrs Jones had to say.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Meanwhile, waiting in the café, wondering what was happening with Kestrel, Snake was surprised to see Fox approaching him two hours earlier than planned with a worried look on his face.

"Snake. Is Tom around?" On receiving a negative response to this question, Fox looked around furtively before saying: "Before he gets back, there are some things you should know, and some things I need to ask you…"

**Dun, dun, dunnnn...!** **I know ending on a cliff-hanger is cruel, especially after leaving it so long, but I'm running by the theory that the cliff will annoy me as much as anyone else, so may encourage me to update. Hopefully...**


End file.
